Note to Self: Just STOP It
You will not be surprised to learn that I am only human, after all. Oh yes, I aspire to many things, things like living my values, moving toward healthful habits, figuring out what the universe needs from me in this moment — or more accurately, flailing wildly in the hopes of figuring out what the universe needs from me in this moment.
That last thing hasn’t really worked the way I would have liked. Turns out that flailing wildly is not a path to success. The thing is that this question percolating in my subconscious led to erratic behavior, which is to say, the exact opposite of my intent. Leaping out of bed in the middle of the night to journal madly about whatever I’d just doomscrolled hours before, for instance, as if sleep deprivation was the best condition for self-reflection.
Give me a cookie for being a good person, sure, but these erratic late-night jam sessions were doing no one any good, least of all myself and my ability to actually be my best self.
Among the casualties of my erratic behavior was my daily routine (such as it was, anyway), which went the way of the dinosaur last January. And among the elements of my daily routine that matters the most is meditating every morning. Daily meditation, while remaining a good idea, however, also went the way of the dinosaur.
I know it’s a vital practice for me to be at my best, I really do. And yet, alas, per my previous comment, turns out I am only human. Face it, it’s easier to doomscroll than to accomplish. (Just me?)
Well, if sitting for 30 minutes every morning is elusive at this moment, then what is, er, lusive?
Mala was recently reintroduced to a concept she learned years ago through Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It’s called STOP. STOP stands for Stop, Take a step back, Observe, and Proceed mindfully:
Stop when you notice that you’re emotionally flooding. Come to a freeze. Catch your breath.
Take a step back and allow yourself time to think.
Observe what’s going on for you and around you.
Proceed mindfully: what do you want to do right now?
While this tool is meant to be invoked in times of true distress, well, it would be fair to say that for some of us, every moment of every day feels like true distress. Also, STOP can be used at any time during the day, whenever we find the need for it — a way to draw ourselves out of autopilot and back to intentional action.
It’s not a new tool, but isn’t it always helpful to remind ourselves of the tools we already have and forgot about? STOPping allows me to take out the recycling instead of glancing at it and walking away, to respond to that email instead of scrolling past it again, to call the car repair guy instead of looking at the task on my to-do list and then doing a crossword instead. It allows me to return to a place of patience when I’m trying to fix a fu&^%$* technical error on our website or dealing with the fu&^%$* tech support a “tech support” bot that sends me to the same FAQ page over. And over. And over. Again. I already TOLD you that page does NOT answer my question, Scarlett with two t’s.
It allows me to remember all the habit change tools I also have at my disposal. It allows me to have some optimism that I can snatch my intentional life from the jaws of doomscrolling.
It allows me to gasp breathe back into meditating.
Given how uneasy each day is for us and our people, my wish for you, if you so desire, is to STOP it. The world needs us more than ever.